went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
