Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
then he tried to convert me to islam
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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