i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
