I don't remember. Are we still dating?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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