We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
