Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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