You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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