he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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