just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
