Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
