The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
