True but thats because hes a fetus.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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