I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
