Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
