Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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