I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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