Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
