Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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