Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
