So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
