party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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