my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I didn't notice because vodka
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize