I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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