I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
