Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize