mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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