i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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