Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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