Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
