is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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