I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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