can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
