i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
