we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
