I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We left the knife in your bed.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize