My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
