Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
