Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
