How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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