I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
