Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
