im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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