Someone shit on the floor
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
