Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
