I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
