Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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