speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
