I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
