So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
