I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i've created a new STD.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
