you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
