Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
