honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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