it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
