My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
