Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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