Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
