ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
