Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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