I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I met the friendliest cop last night
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
