he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
