Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
