I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
