i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
