I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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