Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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