I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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