If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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