my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
