Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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