Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
