You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
