My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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