I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
