I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize