omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
