sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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