the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
