why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
