Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
