Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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