Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
