So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
