just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
