Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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