It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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