capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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